Confused

HELP??? My child lives with his dad. We have a joint custody arrangement! It been 3 years since I had to move and agreed to let his dad have him to stay in the same school and area that he knows. I left to gain employment. Which I have done through a school system an hour away. He has been diagnosed with some autistic/asperger's syndrome tendencies. I know some about this..His dad knows nothing about it...He keeps taking him to counseling. And The school is trying very hard to help my son and us. They know of his condition. He has MELT DOWNS in class all the time. The problems was slight in 1st grade. and Then he had episodes in the last part of the year of 2nd and 3rd grades. He is in the 4th now and is starting right away into the new school year. He says his homework is to hard to understand. He rips it up and then dumps his desk alot if he cant do something and he runs around the room yelling if he is frustrated..I am working with the school very closely this year to figure out what to do and talking with the resource teacher at the high school that I am working at. She is giving me lots of good input. I am scanning the web and my next journey is the library. I also have a friend from the school system at the school system where my son is at. Who I am soon going to be working with as well. I HAVE SPOKEN repeatedly with the principal and we are going to have a 3 way phone conference on the 12th of this month. about this...I am very concerned for him and his dad doesn't have a clue and will not hear it. He says boys will be boys and says this is normal boy stuff and yet he is taking him to counseling..Hmmm!! Anyway..I need advice and Direction..Oh!! plus I am having the Several prayer groups supporting and lifting my son up in prayer for help and direction to show it self through my searching and looking for info to help him...So If you can Give me anything to go on..Let me know. He's getting worse and He is 9..He really hasnt been like this bad in the past. HELP???

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Sep 10, 2012
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by: Diane

Be the loudest, squeakiest wheel at the school.

Let them see you coming and shake in their boots.

They work for YOU and your children, not the other way around.

YOUR money pays their paychecks and YOUR money provides the additional funding that the schools get to help our special-needs kids.

The principals and other administrators eventually learned that when they saw me coming they were "in for it" because I refused to back down.

It took me awhile to get comfortable with it and more than once before a meeting my stomach would drop like it would when being called into the principals office.

Eventually it got to the point where it was their stomach's dropping. ;)

All the schools, the elementary school, the two middle schools, and the two high schools (we moved from California to Washington in the middle of our daughter's sophomore year so our son attended middle school in both states and our daughter attended high school in both states [and then our son attended high school here in Washington]) were all SO glad to see me go.

By being the loudest, squeakiest wheel your child will get service before the child of a parent who just accepts what they're being told. That's sad for the other child but you need to focus on your own child first. :)

Hang in there and good luck!! :)
Diane
Sep 10, 2012
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by: Diane

Hi!

I'm sorry it's so difficult, believe me I totally understand, especially about the homework problems.

I actually finally got it set up so that my son never did homework at home, he had a special class to do it in.

Our "homework wars" were violent such as bottles thrown at windows and stuff ripped out of walls, etc.

I told the school it wasn't worth it and I made them write it into his IEP that he would do homework at school. He compartmentalizes (e.g. school is school and home is home and school work does not get done at home) so he has a hard time with it.

Plus he wouldn't understand it. I have always had a philosophy that homework is nothing but busy work. And I would never help with homework (hardly anyway) because I feel that if I help my children with their homework then the teacher never has an idea of what the student isn't understanding.

Plus, he didn't need Algebra, and Geometry, and Science, and all that junk. He needed to learn living skills. He was on an IEP and he graduated on time this year and that's it. They toss him out on his own (at home with me) and never did they service him properly by teaching him what he needed to know.

So I was quite vocal in the fact that I absolutely do not support homework and would not force my children to do it.

Controversial I know but when I'm dealing with a child that can't live on his own, can't drive, can't cook (passed a cooking class with fine grades and yet can't heat something up in the microwave without asking how long), can't manage his money (passed 3 money management courses and yet I have to do his banking), can't fill in a job application, etc. then what in the world good does Algebra, Geometry, and Science do for him.

The Advice...

Do NOT give up. If you don't hear what you know you should be hearing then you go higher. You are your child's best advocate and he needs you to be (even though it probably won't ever register with him just how much work you put into this).

Read this letter that we received from our school district's attorney and then how I tear it apart. Don't let them intimidate you. They are required by LAW to take care of these children. Even if your husband disagrees still push for it.

Find support groups and ask if there are non-profit groups who will attend the IEP/school meetings with you. They know the law and the school most likely already knows them because they've been there for other children and the school knows that they're dealing with someone who knows the law inside and out. Which keeps them from being able to snow you.

I wish you the best with it! Be sure to come back and let us know how it all went. :)

Thank you for visiting my website and posting! :)

Have a great day!
Diane

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For as much time as I spend researching Asperger's Syndrome this website should have thousands of pages but because my son has Asperger's Syndrome I find that the things I want to work on very often are not the things that I have to work on so I'm still not able to spend as much time on it as I'd like to.

As he heads into adulthood (he turned 20 on Dec 13 and yep I need to update some areas of the website where it has his age) I'm finding that I have even less time on my hands as I spend more time trying to master the puzzle of how to help him transition into "life after high school".

That's where Autism Tomorrow: The Complete Guide To Help Your Child Thrive In The Real World comes in.

It's a guide to help your kids after high school. You'll find parts of the book will be applicable and some won't depending on your child's current age. Although the title implies "Autism after high school" there is still quite a bit in there about what to do help prepare your child for "real life".

It's a great book!